Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i barfeds in our rink
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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