Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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