hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
