I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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