that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
