I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
