i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
