am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
