You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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