You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
