Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
