Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
