Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she told me i tasted like america
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
