Barsexuality is the new black.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
