He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
