just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
