I'm jealous of your bromance
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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