My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
