I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
