i just google imaged poop.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
