I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
