I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
