i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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