pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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