I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
