so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
