just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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