Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
