He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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