I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
