there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
