I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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