Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
