i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize