I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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