Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
