I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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