He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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