these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
