I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
