i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
