I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
