you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
