my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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