my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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