i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
COCAINE IS GR8
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