i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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