the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
