I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
