Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
