PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize