After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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