it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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