I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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