I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
