It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
