The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
