What did we do last night that was yellow?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
