Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize