Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
