she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
