Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
