I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
