and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
