u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't turn off my feet"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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