i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
