I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
