I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
