I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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