Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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