ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
