when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
