just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
