We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We had to coat check the pizza.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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