what day is it and did you see me today?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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